I'm just going to have to trust you completely...

Several months of relative calm hapiness has been disrupted yet again by heroin.
I should never have asked. Now abruptly, mistrust and lies and fear overwhelm us, and it's so difficult to find a way through it.

Two minutes past midnight, and I cant sleep. Been in bed an hour already, but sweating, then freezing, then hungry. Twisting my body into uncomfortable shapes. So much racing through my mind...
I've been crying a lot today, I havent for ages, but today I just felt so sad about time passing so quickly, another christmas over, my babies getting so big...No real reason, just a desperate underlying sadness, about things that I absolutely cannot change. Things never stand still. I cannot slow down time.

I was/am considering finishing with this blog, as I'm not sure what the point of it is really. An aquaintance left a comment before christmas that really made me think that I am being treating this too much like a diary, not giving enough thought to who might one day read this. What a curious thing, to be so honest with perhaps everyone?
I thought I'd try going back and edit some stuff, but I'm not sure I could bear to, or be bothered, or find enough time...

Ooh, and I've given up smoking, yet again, but this time it's serious.