Thursday, March 27, 2003
Some mornings, I feel so fucking negative.
Like, its another beautiful spring morning, the blossom is out on the trees, and yet I am shrounded with depressing thoughts. The worst part is knowing that I am always like this, whatever my situation, never quite happy. There's always something spoiling my happiness and its stupid, it sucks, but however hard I try to change old patterns of behaviour, I cannot manage it. I NEED HELP! But how??? How can I over come this. My predominant feeling is one of dissapointment and depression over the circumstances of the growing of X. I mutter to myself as I walk along, why is it I have no help, that I am alone so much, that I have not managed to build a loving second family that I so wanted? I mean Its not like any of my other crazy dreams that have gone down the pan, like being an artist or leading the green revolution or anything. This was totally achievable, I deserved it, but now it's all fucked up.
I cried myself to sleep last night.
Like, its another beautiful spring morning, the blossom is out on the trees, and yet I am shrounded with depressing thoughts. The worst part is knowing that I am always like this, whatever my situation, never quite happy. There's always something spoiling my happiness and its stupid, it sucks, but however hard I try to change old patterns of behaviour, I cannot manage it. I NEED HELP! But how??? How can I over come this. My predominant feeling is one of dissapointment and depression over the circumstances of the growing of X. I mutter to myself as I walk along, why is it I have no help, that I am alone so much, that I have not managed to build a loving second family that I so wanted? I mean Its not like any of my other crazy dreams that have gone down the pan, like being an artist or leading the green revolution or anything. This was totally achievable, I deserved it, but now it's all fucked up.
I cried myself to sleep last night.
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