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Monday, October 31, 2005

 
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Izzy!

Hekates' Halloween party.






Thursday, October 27, 2005

I think we just broke up, me and Teas' dad.
Weirdly enough I also managed to loose the fake diamond ring he gave me for my fortieth birthday, that I have worn everyday, which sucks, and kind of makes me think that maybe, this is finally it.

Thursday, October 20, 2005





Ruskin Park was beautiful this morning.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Another wisdom tooth removed today.
Actually I'm sitting here eating Quality Street on the one side of the mouth, which I'm sure I shouldn't be.
My Black eye is now Magenta.
I look well beaten up.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us testing...

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Yee gods I have been suffering from infernal toothache.
Literally dragging my head along the floor, as I worked out what to do. With Vee off sick, I had to make him get dressed quick so we could rush to the dentist for help. It has taken an age for the ibeprophin (or whatever) and codine to kick in, but I am at last able to begin to function. I feel wrung out though.
Next week, I must have another extraction. Still if it sops the pain, what else is to be done?

Just noticed that rather anoying picassa ad that now turns up when I publish a picture using their 'upgraded' software.
Hmm...I do not like this, and must try to find a better way.
Anyway beneath is a picture of Vitimin 2k and the portrait she painted of me last spring.
And lower down, some views from my flat window, high summer

 
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Thursday, October 06, 2005

I'd even considered not posting this, but since I promised I'd be truthful...
It just goes to show that I just cannot do this, with tobacco or weed in the house.
my will power is not strong enough. So I just made a little smoke, and lit it. There was no trigger, I just felt like one. I feel rotten,. I know I will return to it. I cant help myself, I am addicted. I managed two days out of a week. I have NO willpower.

Well seeing as I'm trying to be being totally honest with myself, ('cos I swear I have been in denial about my smoking for at least three years) I will have to confess that last night after the last kid had gone to bed, I actually smoked Js' horrible ugly butt end. There was only an inch left and it was disgusting, but I still did it. I am disgusting.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

feeling quite stressed because everytime I try to look at this blog, it's just a plain white page....

I was doing a test below. And it worked! posting photos is even easier.
Still haven't had a smoke yet, but as I was putting Tea to bed just now, I could feel my resolve waning. Why did his dad leave it all in my house anyway?
Even if I lapse this week, after my birthday, which is less than a week away (eek 41!) I shall be quitting for real.


Well I went an entire day without inhaling anything!
I even survived when J brought round spliff and tobacco. I managed to say no because it was already so late, so I feel proud of myself now.
But, it's still sitting in the kitchen. Temptation....

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

So this is my first proper day, after smoking every last crumb left in the house yesterday. Something really odd happened when I went to bed, I found I just couldn't breath properly, something hurt really bad in my chest and I could only take small shallow breaths. I couldn't lie down, I had to prop myself up to ease the breathing. Then I started to get freezing cold, next I was sweating. I grabbed two anadin extra tablets that J had left, and eventually managed to sleep.

This morning, breathing is still difficult , but I can take much deeper breaths.
I wonder what all that was about....

Monday, October 03, 2005

I've decided to use my blog as a little giving up smoking diary for the moment. I've set myself a target for a week off. So I'll come here and make note whenever the craving gets too much for me. Expect a great many banal posts (no change there then!)
Mostly, I want to see if and how I actually manage. I'm worried 'cos over the summer I got properly back into smoking, my addiction for all my adult life. I've given up so many times before, and never lapsed quite so bad as this time. It's going to be tough I know.

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