Monday, July 21, 2003
Sometimes, my love is as cold as ice to me.
Friday, July 18, 2003
Well, it appears that yesterdays attempt to blog failed.
Hmm...still having difficulties.
I'm feeling odd today. Started the week positive, but after 4 consecutive nights alone, little adult contact, I can feel myself dip.
If only I could learn to be perfectly happy and self contained by myself. I ask myself, why do I need other adults around me?
But then I realise that perhaps this is normal and what I am having to do; get on with life unaccompanied, might be considered difficult by anyone.
I just dont know.
And I cant speak of it it to Xes dad. It just causes aargument. But even if I manage not to speak, I still FEEL.
I cant seem to control that as much as I want.
Hmm...still having difficulties.
I'm feeling odd today. Started the week positive, but after 4 consecutive nights alone, little adult contact, I can feel myself dip.
If only I could learn to be perfectly happy and self contained by myself. I ask myself, why do I need other adults around me?
But then I realise that perhaps this is normal and what I am having to do; get on with life unaccompanied, might be considered difficult by anyone.
I just dont know.
And I cant speak of it it to Xes dad. It just causes aargument. But even if I manage not to speak, I still FEEL.
I cant seem to control that as much as I want.
Thursday, July 17, 2003
Ah...nearly the end of term. How sweet it will be to lay in bed, not having to get anyone up. What a relaxing start to the day. Plus having the kids around alot is always good. I love the summer holidays. Pity Ace has to keep going till Tuesday. Mean buggers at that school.
Spent almost all day at www. Urban 75. I love the Brixton forum, kind of makes me feel connected to the community, even though there's one or two peeps that are quite rude and offensive, generally very nice vibe.
Spent almost all day at www. Urban 75. I love the Brixton forum, kind of makes me feel connected to the community, even though there's one or two peeps that are quite rude and offensive, generally very nice vibe.
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
31 weeks pregnant.
So today, I'm walking down the street, carrying a few bags of shopping. Infuriatingly heavy for just one days food. Its baking hot, the rain starts to fall. It kind of tropical. I just pass the sports centre, when a young black man comes rushing towards me saying, 'I have a spare umberella, I dont want you to get wet, please take it.' I smile all the way home. Everyone around here is being so warm to me. It feels like the neighbourhood is watching me, watching-out for me. It feels good.
So today, I'm walking down the street, carrying a few bags of shopping. Infuriatingly heavy for just one days food. Its baking hot, the rain starts to fall. It kind of tropical. I just pass the sports centre, when a young black man comes rushing towards me saying, 'I have a spare umberella, I dont want you to get wet, please take it.' I smile all the way home. Everyone around here is being so warm to me. It feels like the neighbourhood is watching me, watching-out for me. It feels good.
Friday, July 11, 2003
Another fucking post I've managed to delete. This happens so often. I regularly just give up. Anyways was just writing how pleased I was that my archive appears to be working now, so maybe I will be inspired to learn some html and improve the look of this thing...
I'm very exhausted at the moment. Spending less time at the computer and more time slumped on sofa watching crap, mindless tv.
Things are difficult right now.
I'm very exhausted at the moment. Spending less time at the computer and more time slumped on sofa watching crap, mindless tv.
Things are difficult right now.
Thursday, July 03, 2003
Glastonbury has changed my love. I dare not write, but he seems so much more into me, our baby, our future together. Hmmm...
