I'm just going to have to trust you completely...

Spent the morning in Comber Grove Primary school observing. I loved it there. Such a brilliant school. The head wrote on the comment slipthat it was a pleasure to meet me..
This time next week it'll all be over.

I am absolutely frozen in fear.
OK. So I recieved an interview from USB. Which I should
have been so pleased about but, and it's such a massive BUT, the interview is two hours long, involves a written examination, group and individual interviews, and worst of all (I think) I am required to give a five minute presentation, as if to a primary school class, demonstrating my enthusism and communication skills.
Well I spent all last night feeling physically sick. I kid you not. In the pit of my stomach, panic.
Complete inability to imagine myself coming through this successfully.

Also in the informaction/terror pack, I was sent the news that a recent government directive means that instead of just needing Maths and English, as of yesterday or something, I am now required to have GCSE Science.
I rang the college immediately, and they said to proceed with the interview, but if I am successful, I will have to study for an equivalence test.
Depressing though that is, I can't be worrying about it now, because of the epic nature of the actual interview.
I'm also expected to spend a day in school before hand, and need to get a form signed by the head teacher, with comments, although this seems easy compared to the rest.
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
And have I mentioned the interview is in ten short days. I simply don't know how I'm going to make it.

Well I've done it! I've finally completed the form and sent it off. I can't change anything on it now, so in a way, I am free of it. A strange stinging bubble thing has erupted on the corner of my lips, and I feel totally drained.
Weird timing, but the woman who wants to swap flats with me phoned yesterday, followed by a call from her housing officer this afternoon. It appears I willl have to move before Christmas. I was hoping it would be delayed until the new year, or perhaps even forever, but for sure I have been over this many times now and always decided to go for it, reluctantly, and after much agonising.
So with not a single day off to be worry free, I must now turn my thoughts to moving flats. The practicalities of which seem mindboggling. I'm a long way off the old squatting days when I'd move every three months, and just pop my belongings into one box and two binbags and struggle down to the communal van with my futon mattress.
Nowdays it's going to have to be like some military manouver or something. This place is jammed with stuff, and there's the three flights. Getting out of here'll be hard. Then there's all the letter writing, and bill changing, official crap, that I could well do without. I really hope it's all worth it.

Things haven't been uneventful.
But I've just been too busy lurching between hope and despair trying to fill in the bloody PGCE application.
I'm sure I remember a time when writing came easily to me. Not now though, and I can't bear for them to reject me, but I can't seem to find the words to sell myself.
I'm feeling negative anyway because I photographed Rachel and Magdas' civil partnership on Saturday. They kept refering to me as the 'principle photographer', and there I was with my tiny new fuji...I should have borrowed Hectives' DSLR. I thought about it even, but didn't. I took about 600 shots, and they're about 12 really good ones. (if that) So I'm a bit gutted, because even after all these years, I still have the same problems, I just don't seem to improve at photography. I make the same mistakes over and over.
Now I'm trying to make up a load of stuff about pretend workshops I have organised...It's all bollocks, and I can't seem to make progress, and Friday is the day I have send it off. Even when I'm feeling more positiive, one glance at the relevant work experience section, will soon darken my mood, and don't even get me started on the education bit...
I mean, even if I somehow pulled off a brilliant personal statement, I've still got no A levels, and a silly degree.
I'll be glad when it's sent though, because either way what is done shall be done, and at least I can stop thinking about it.
I don't want to fail at everything though.