Monday, January 19, 2004
So this weekend, Xes dad comes to stay. Come to cook for me actually, a special oily fish, low fat dinner.
Very thoughtful. Only he's off his face. Takes me a while to realise. I at firat put his manicness down to nerves. It's so hard to tell the 'real' him. So he's banging and smashing his way around the kitchen, some three hours later, dinner is produced, but he's wound up and cross with me, or the strain of concentration, or something. We all eat, and afterward, I ask him what he's taken and he says half a pill. Must of been an incredibly strong one is all I can say. I decide on an early night.
X wakes me up the 'normal' 5 times, Xes' dad also wakes me up. I can hear a very loud sound of running water. It is him, pissing in my bedroom.
"What are you doing?" I repeat several times, until he realises and rushes to the bathroom.
He says he had no idea where he was.
I am just shocked and kind of disgusted.
Fortunately only one washable rug is piss socked. Two feet to the left, he would have damaged a stack of photos that have been waiting for me to find them a home, two feet to the other side, the babies cot.
I dont know, I've just been depressed since then.
I lay awake last night worrying. What have I done having a baby with this man. What future do we have?
This year, I will be 40. I haven't had a proper job for twenty years. Finding a soulmate seems more illusive than ever. I'm rapidly loosing my looks. These hidious fatty growths around my eyes dont help. I wonder if ther's another cause for them, other than my raised cholesterol levels.
I dont know, I'm all mixed up. In many ways.
Very thoughtful. Only he's off his face. Takes me a while to realise. I at firat put his manicness down to nerves. It's so hard to tell the 'real' him. So he's banging and smashing his way around the kitchen, some three hours later, dinner is produced, but he's wound up and cross with me, or the strain of concentration, or something. We all eat, and afterward, I ask him what he's taken and he says half a pill. Must of been an incredibly strong one is all I can say. I decide on an early night.
X wakes me up the 'normal' 5 times, Xes' dad also wakes me up. I can hear a very loud sound of running water. It is him, pissing in my bedroom.
"What are you doing?" I repeat several times, until he realises and rushes to the bathroom.
He says he had no idea where he was.
I am just shocked and kind of disgusted.
Fortunately only one washable rug is piss socked. Two feet to the left, he would have damaged a stack of photos that have been waiting for me to find them a home, two feet to the other side, the babies cot.
I dont know, I've just been depressed since then.
I lay awake last night worrying. What have I done having a baby with this man. What future do we have?
This year, I will be 40. I haven't had a proper job for twenty years. Finding a soulmate seems more illusive than ever. I'm rapidly loosing my looks. These hidious fatty growths around my eyes dont help. I wonder if ther's another cause for them, other than my raised cholesterol levels.
I dont know, I'm all mixed up. In many ways.
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