I'm just going to have to trust you completely...

Hmmm...well that was an upset, angry even post. I'm sso hacked off with worrying and being upset with Xes dad. Plus I want to write something better. Something I'd be proud to share. I guess because deep down I miss the attention that Reclaim the Streets brought me. Like, for a while there, I was kind of famous. And I loved it. Well I know I am most unlikely ever to achieve that status again. (this makes me sad), but I'd love to feel I was still doing something that others were interested in. But why oh why would anyone be interested in the mundanity of my life.
Single parent.
Council flat.
Benefit.
In her forties.
Oh my god , I slipped into negativity without even thinking, but there you go. Its hard at the moment. Good in so many ways, like motherhood. Thats good, I get so much satisfaction from doing that well. But is that all there is for me? And maybe thats enough.
I hate it that I am now estranged from RTS possee. Actually, I feel estranged from everyone. I mean I'm totally estranged from my family; my mum(horrible uncaring and selfish.
My dad, well I dont even have words to describe him...
My mates, well for now I'm not even sure who they are. The ones who phone me? I guess theey're my mates, and I love each and everyone. Vitimin 2K, Houdini, Maz and Reddread (who I hardly see but feel close like a sister) Who else? Tinkabelle, she's lovley.But I feel estranged from almost everyone. Tried phoning Rosie Cleavage today, but her phones are dead. I wonder what shes doing. How she's doing, and when I will bump into her again (my dear birth partner)
-Sigh- I HAVE got lovley friends, I just dont see much of them. I used to be spoilt, living with everyone. I really did enjoy living in a commune situation. I loved the company on tap. It seems so far away now, and that whole ten thousand pound business, or being left out of it, (intentional or not) has messed up my head.

Anyways, tomorrow is the Cannabis festival, and there's a very good chance of seeing many of the people I miss so much and I am very excited. I hope I can keep more positive all day, and not deflect people away from me.