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Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Well, I took X for his innoculations yesterday, and boy did I regret it.
Some four hours after, I guess when the full assault on his little immune system began, all hell breaks loose. He is unconsolable. I have to ring NHS direct, 'cos I'm at my wits end after an hour, not knowing how to comfort him. Feeling so wretched for putting him through this.
Why? Why bow to state pressure???
I knew in my heart, it felt wrong, but kind of didn't have the stamina somehow, to stand alone on this.
Anyway, he seems fine now, thank heavens.
Eventually,the time arrived when I could give him another dose of calpol, and gradually he settles. My Love.
I have to send young Vee down the chip shop for tea. He enjoys the responsibility, it has to be said, but I worry sending him out in the dark, especially when he takes so long because they have to fry the fish just for us.
It tastes good though, I guess its they incredibly high fat content.

Xes dad is no use or help. I did ring him. I thought he'd come.
But no, of course, there's a thousand reasons why he cant, unless I really want him to, he says. He doesn't realise I do really want him to, that's why I've phoned him in the first place. I was genuinely scared. I needed some support.
But as ever, Vee and Ace are my support. My rocks. And I love them dearly.
I guess I'll grow out of asking Xes dad. For anything.

Monday, February 02, 2004

Not a bad weekend really.
Xes dad quite lucid and civil, kind even.
We even hugged.
A very lovley hug.
The FightClub poster I had bought him for his birthday was a great success.

By far the best bit of the weekend was meeting Vitimin2k and Jen at the Royal Festival Hall for lunchtime music. We drank white wine spritzers and it was so very nice to sit and chat with them, and X loved it. It's such a lovely space, he was fascinated looking around and listening to all the sounds, and looked extra cute in his peace T.shirt that Maz had bought him.

I think I'm going to take him for vacinations after he wakes from this nap. Feel a bit sick about it, but I guess I'm sure he'll be ok.

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