Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Well I'm sitting here at my laptop, with my fast connection and listening to Resonance radio http://www.resonancefm.com/, T's asleep, big kids back at school, and I have a moment of calm to appreciate my modern and may I say, techno surroundings. I am really liking the broadband, I hope I am easily able to afford it. feels as if it'll be ok, and its so good to have my own cyber independance.
I'ts been a funny weekend, because on the day of the royal wedding, Hective comes to me and says even though he has invited me to his wedding, Bride does not want me there, so I am now uninvited. I felt awash with emotions, which is silly, 'cos I dont really mind not being there at all. It's just that it sends me a clear message about my place, and even as I write this, I dont really know how to feel, but desperately want to do the right thing. The thing is that the kids are upset by my exclusion as well. I think it doesn't bode well. I could understand it much better if we didn't have the children, but we do, and I'm their mum, and well, it all feels a mess now.
Anyways Ts' dad was unexpectedly brilliant throughout this, and took me and T to Brighton for the day on Sunday, and I very much enjoyed the sea view, far away horizons and big brilliant blue skies.
Before that, on Saturday, I popped in at the cannabis benefit party that was going on down the road. I totally wished I hadn't for not only was it incredibly dull, but three assosiates from the past came in, two from the 'ten thousand pound club' and began to accuse my dear friend filmmaker Paddy, of de-masking one of them at Genoa. It was all really nasty, and yet another one of those situations where I didn't really understand, and wondered why suddenly I was in the middle of it. I tried to get them all together so we could talk about and find out what really happened, because I genuinely believe Paddy to be a good sort. I dont even know if he would do such a thing, it sounded so unlikely. Anyways the lary ones refused this, and then fortunately they passed out on the sofa. I felt upset by the whole exchange, because suddenly I found myself on the wrong side of everyone, for standing up for Paddy, and I also asked the lary one what he was doing at the front throwing stuff, thereby exposing myself as the fluffy I have always, and openly, been. So I guess they can fuck off.
I also saw my old friend Bashment Bish, who has cut off all his locks shaved his beard, and well the vision of him was the stangest thing my brain had to get used to in a long time. From rasta man, to hip-hop kid in, well, moments. Wierd.
I'ts been a funny weekend, because on the day of the royal wedding, Hective comes to me and says even though he has invited me to his wedding, Bride does not want me there, so I am now uninvited. I felt awash with emotions, which is silly, 'cos I dont really mind not being there at all. It's just that it sends me a clear message about my place, and even as I write this, I dont really know how to feel, but desperately want to do the right thing. The thing is that the kids are upset by my exclusion as well. I think it doesn't bode well. I could understand it much better if we didn't have the children, but we do, and I'm their mum, and well, it all feels a mess now.
Anyways Ts' dad was unexpectedly brilliant throughout this, and took me and T to Brighton for the day on Sunday, and I very much enjoyed the sea view, far away horizons and big brilliant blue skies.
Before that, on Saturday, I popped in at the cannabis benefit party that was going on down the road. I totally wished I hadn't for not only was it incredibly dull, but three assosiates from the past came in, two from the 'ten thousand pound club' and began to accuse my dear friend filmmaker Paddy, of de-masking one of them at Genoa. It was all really nasty, and yet another one of those situations where I didn't really understand, and wondered why suddenly I was in the middle of it. I tried to get them all together so we could talk about and find out what really happened, because I genuinely believe Paddy to be a good sort. I dont even know if he would do such a thing, it sounded so unlikely. Anyways the lary ones refused this, and then fortunately they passed out on the sofa. I felt upset by the whole exchange, because suddenly I found myself on the wrong side of everyone, for standing up for Paddy, and I also asked the lary one what he was doing at the front throwing stuff, thereby exposing myself as the fluffy I have always, and openly, been. So I guess they can fuck off.
I also saw my old friend Bashment Bish, who has cut off all his locks shaved his beard, and well the vision of him was the stangest thing my brain had to get used to in a long time. From rasta man, to hip-hop kid in, well, moments. Wierd.
Comments:
Post a Comment
