I'm just going to have to trust you completely...

So today, I am due to have my repeat smear test.
I try to think what I have achieved since finding out last Christmas that all was not 'normal'.
Well, I have been able to achieve good sleep. Not long sleeps, but deep sleep.
The list of failures is longer. I haven't managed to drink all the water I promised myself I would. Why? Why? Why?
Why have I let myself down in this area? I dont know.
I've just got to hope that the sleep has enabled my body to do some repair work, otherwise... I am scared. Scared to death.
Yet curiously, I've been feeling so happy these days. Just so enjoying being T's Mum, well everyones' Mum , and even though things could be better with T's dad, They could be worse. Life is good and I feel strong. I will have to be strong. All this bloody medical bollocks. I hate it.