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Thursday, June 10, 2004

So tomorrow we're off to Butlins Bognor Regis, so I wont be turning up here for a while.
Bognor is where i spent my happiest days as a child, and I guess I want to hand down to my children the same.
Fingers crossed we'll get a couple of good days so we can make the most of the seaside.., but I know it'll great just me and the kids. my family
A very special sacred time.

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

I am so excited and energised this morning.
Could it be something to do with Venus being in transit?
Actually read a rather brilliant horiscope for us librans, encouraging travel (just as well!) and also publishing (!!!)
I feel incredibly positive (up and down like a yo-yo, I know) but really, after having such a brilliant weekend, hanging out with so many great people that I know and my lovley Xes, It has given me a lift. A boost. (being told you're beautiful helped loads as well, so I thank you, charming stanger whoever you were, and I'm sorry I was so harsh about your yellow drink in that evian bottle, I've just had it with pissheads and druggies, you see.

Midsummer is always quite the best, most magical time of year for me, and I'm going to make sure I slow right down, banish ne

Monday, June 07, 2004

Today I booked me and Houdinis tickets to Iceland. Quite nervous 'cos its bloody strange to go on a winter holiday bang in the middle of summer. Perverse even.
My GosH, at the cannabis festival I had such a brilliant time. Xes is the perfect companion and was much admired. Tinkabelle called for me and helped with the buggy and all sorts. I spent the entire day bumping into my lovley old mates of yor.
Gee and netty and Mel Pranksta, were my favourites. But it was also lovley to see Bish (wwho'd hung the Negusa Negast banner I made for him perfectly and beautifuly, How I wish I could post my own pictures up here,Matty and her beautiful little girl Keira, Steve, Deadlock, Shane, Tina and Lee, Stuart and Natasha, Izzy and her new baby Sid,(so lovley), Andy, Kim, Dub, Donarch kate and Louden (who came to stay at mine after) Angela, Miserable Simon, Paul and Donna, Rizzy, Rochelle...Very very nice.
I stayed right to the very end and just loved every minute of it.
I even got some lovely lady attention from some bloke in Mels party, who said I must be one of Mels models and told me how beautiful I was and was utterly charming to Xes. I wasn't really taking him seriously , but it felt nice, the attention like.

Friday, June 04, 2004


Hmmm...well that was an upset, angry even post. I'm sso hacked off with worrying and being upset with Xes dad. Plus I want to write something better. Something I'd be proud to share. I guess because deep down I miss the attention that Reclaim the Streets brought me. Like, for a while there, I was kind of famous. And I loved it. Well I know I am most unlikely ever to achieve that status again. (this makes me sad), but I'd love to feel I was still doing something that others were interested in. But why oh why would anyone be interested in the mundanity of my life.
Single parent.
Council flat.
Benefit.
In her forties.
Oh my god , I slipped into negativity without even thinking, but there you go. Its hard at the moment. Good in so many ways, like motherhood. Thats good, I get so much satisfaction from doing that well. But is that all there is for me? And maybe thats enough.
I hate it that I am now estranged from RTS possee. Actually, I feel estranged from everyone. I mean I'm totally estranged from my family; my mum(horrible uncaring and selfish.
My dad, well I dont even have words to describe him...
My mates, well for now I'm not even sure who they are. The ones who phone me? I guess theey're my mates, and I love each and everyone. Vitimin 2K, Houdini, Maz and Reddread (who I hardly see but feel close like a sister) Who else? Tinkabelle, she's lovley.But I feel estranged from almost everyone. Tried phoning Rosie Cleavage today, but her phones are dead. I wonder what shes doing. How she's doing, and when I will bump into her again (my dear birth partner)
-Sigh- I HAVE got lovley friends, I just dont see much of them. I used to be spoilt, living with everyone. I really did enjoy living in a commune situation. I loved the company on tap. It seems so far away now, and that whole ten thousand pound business, or being left out of it, (intentional or not) has messed up my head.

Anyways, tomorrow is the Cannabis festival, and there's a very good chance of seeing many of the people I miss so much and I am very excited. I hope I can keep more positive all day, and not deflect people away from me.

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