I'm just going to have to trust you completely...

Spent almost the entire day, well all my computer time anyway, trying to post pictures up here.
My first attempt was on my other blog, and after asking very helpful people at U75, i think I've finally cracked it. Big thanks to patient,peeps, especially The Dyslexic one.
As I walked up to school this afternoon I was so excited that I had learnt to post pictures, like woohoo, I'm finally getting the hang of this!
Who knows what will come next.

On the 26th April Xes learns to crawl forward. By today, he is managing several feet, before collapsing in a frustrated heap.

It's too late to be here...

well, it's the most beautiful spring day. Hective's gone on location to Chamonix, Xes dad hasn't been seen for a full week now, he went to his mates in Derby last weekend telling me he wanted to do something special with his first son, but you know, he took his other mate with him and plenty of class A's. Wouldn't of been much fun at all for his son, but he doesn't see it that way. he geniuinly seems to believe that his son wont notice if he's off his head, or that it wont have any impact on his character. What can I do?
Only protect my own son from such exposure.
So, I am alone with all my kids. Xes ahd a temperature last night and curiously refused breastmilk all night.
strange. He's still hot this morning, so I'm keeping a careful eye on him.

Well, the easter holidays are over. I'm sad about that, 'cos I just love having all the kids aound me. Although, it's quite nice to have quite time with Xes, tho he's sleeping now. Ah..bless. I love him so. Such unexpected intensity.
Went shopping yesterday. Blew all the money Hective gave me in one shot, but got nice new puma shoes, and lots of clothes for me and all three kids. Me and Ace love to go shopping together, she is a great companion.
Poor Vee, I bought his Nike stuff too big, he joked Marge Simpson also did this. I said he should appreciate how difficult it was for me to actually go in that shop, let alone give it my money. now we have to return. He's awake now...

Just been looking at the Editors(of urban75) Blog. He of course knows how to post pictures. As he journeys around the south west of England, his journel is illustrated with photos. I want to do this! Although I did realise the other day that a blog is not really suitable for my 1990's photo project. I really need a web site for that. AGH...
I took Ace to the Vivienne Westwood exhibition earlier this week and just loved it.
I've always loved clothes, she said this great thing about how you'd have a better life wearing fine clothes, and I can quite see her point.. I mean you always feel better if you look good. Made me want to spend all of Reddreads money on her her gear it did.

By the way, Reddread is pregnant.! I am so excited for her, she will be the most amazing mother I am sure. I am really hoping that I can be a good and useful friend to her during this time, as I'd so love to be involved.
Vitimin2K is busy building a dragon for Hective. Xes dad is up in Derby, I am already wondering how I will manage tomorrow without him or Vee and Ace. I get quite lonley, even though I have my lovley cherubic baby.

Xes is in the bedroom with his dad. The other kids are in bed. I'm feeling really strange, and I dont really know why.
I wonder, if anyone reads this...
It would almost be wierd if they did. If anyone, other than me, read, took the timee to read, was interested enough...And why would I want anyone to be interested in my prrivate life. My life of mothering. Incidently, we had our third no-tv day today and I must say I love it!
Plus I've started this other blog...and I've got plans for something different.

Spent yesterday, listening to vans pulling up and driving off outsside the flat. Kind of expected him to come.
But of course nothing, no phonecall either. It's funny how quickly he decides to stay away. It's never like he's missing out. Only like I will suffer.
And I am feeling very lonley, at a loose end.
Vee is deep in a gamecube game, he only surfaces for food, Ace is in Chamonix skiing with her dad, and I'm just here in the flat, bored aand unhappy. It's holiday time, and I am alone again.

I keep wanting to ring up and tell him how it's obvious how he feels, how little effort he puts in, how he relishes any excuse not to come, but what is the point? I might as well sit it out. Not give in. I am not sorry. He always messes me about, cancels, forgets, rearranges without warning, and Im fed up. The fact that he has now taken on Q, his first son, full time, without talking to me about it has just made things worse. He can only visit on Saturdays now, it's official, and that is just bollox.

Sooo, naturally, Xes dad stays away. Leaving me kind of at a loose end with a baby full of cold. He never ever comes to me if I need him, never recognises my need, however it comes out. He always 'punishes' me by staying away.

I got really angry at Xes dad toady. Didn't really slaap last night, Xes seemed to object to me lying down. Then toad, his dad promised he'd come visit. I phoned him to see what time to cook dinner, fool that I am, and he says he's not coming today anymore, but will come tomorow. I just explode with reeage.
The worst paart of it was, Vee was returning from his mates house, and said he could hear my shouting outside the block. I feel shit really.
And as ever, alone.

so lonley for adult company

Well, no-tv day was, bloody hard work.
At one point I realise I was cooking a roast dinner, breastfeeding baby, and playing chess simultaneously. Very stressful, even for a skilled multi-tasker like myself.
Xes hardly slept all evening, I think he missed to quiet humdrum/bla of the tv. In the night he was worse, crying for what must of been a full hour or two, on and off.
So this morning my nerves are somewhat fraught.