Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Well, a warm welcome to my newest blog, BUTLINS! Photos only this time, but a very sweet record of our very happy holiday.
I'm needing to changing this main page somehow, because I've forgotten how to alter templates now, and I've no time to go through it all agian, so I need to start another blog for my personal stuff, leave this as the connecting blog, so that SHOULD anyone from U75 come here they can link to the other blogs without seeing all the personal stuff...
Anyways, Ive been suffering from such extreame pre-menstral tension, which hasn't helped anything, at all.
Mr.T's dad says he's going to give giving up another go, that he loves us and soesn't want to loose us. And I do believe him. I only wish I could help.
I'm needing to changing this main page somehow, because I've forgotten how to alter templates now, and I've no time to go through it all agian, so I need to start another blog for my personal stuff, leave this as the connecting blog, so that SHOULD anyone from U75 come here they can link to the other blogs without seeing all the personal stuff...
Anyways, Ive been suffering from such extreame pre-menstral tension, which hasn't helped anything, at all.
Mr.T's dad says he's going to give giving up another go, that he loves us and soesn't want to loose us. And I do believe him. I only wish I could help.
Saturday, November 20, 2004
We sshouldd be so happy
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Well something fantastis happened! In the world of blogging that is.
On the very day I finallylet a couple of my friends know the address of the Iceland blog, I discover someone, some wonderful mysterious stranger has left a comment. And its positive!! I have an eye for photography! I cant type that without smiling. So thankyou the cosmos, the world of blog. @Cos that cheered me right up.
And my god I needed it.
Mr T's dad, well he just told me he'd just taken methadone, Excuse; he felt a bit ill.
Thens straight away volunteered that he'd had some the previous day, Reason; he felt a bit sad saying goodbye to his first son for the week. Scoring it off the same bloke who he used to buy smack from.
Whose real name is ZORAN. And I'd shop him to the pigs if I knew anything more than that, I really would.
The reason this came to the surface, was because he'd become stupidly drunk after just two glasses of wine. He tried blaming it on not having eaten first, but I knew something was up. He's bee acting strange for a couple of weeks now, like going to the offy, 5mins away, and returning an hour later.
I just exploded. Snapped. Well in a very calm way actually. I just called him a fucking wanker and then went to bed, leaving him to sleep on the sofa. He was gone in the morning and hasn't phoned. So in his world, it will be me that is in the wrong for swearing at him.
And me, I feel gutted for some reason.
I mean he never promised he was clean or anything. I just hated that news. I feel sick for the future. And curiously betryed by him, although I cant really explain why.
I shouldn't post all this up here really. I dont want some people to know.I dont know why I am...
I meant to write about the party. How it was to be out there alone. Felt a bit vunerable really, aalthough it was great seeing all the Urban 75 people and my old mate Paul, far too hardcore for me right now.
So I feel a bit sad...
On the very day I finallylet a couple of my friends know the address of the Iceland blog, I discover someone, some wonderful mysterious stranger has left a comment. And its positive!! I have an eye for photography! I cant type that without smiling. So thankyou the cosmos, the world of blog. @Cos that cheered me right up.
And my god I needed it.
Mr T's dad, well he just told me he'd just taken methadone, Excuse; he felt a bit ill.
Thens straight away volunteered that he'd had some the previous day, Reason; he felt a bit sad saying goodbye to his first son for the week. Scoring it off the same bloke who he used to buy smack from.
Whose real name is ZORAN. And I'd shop him to the pigs if I knew anything more than that, I really would.
The reason this came to the surface, was because he'd become stupidly drunk after just two glasses of wine. He tried blaming it on not having eaten first, but I knew something was up. He's bee acting strange for a couple of weeks now, like going to the offy, 5mins away, and returning an hour later.
I just exploded. Snapped. Well in a very calm way actually. I just called him a fucking wanker and then went to bed, leaving him to sleep on the sofa. He was gone in the morning and hasn't phoned. So in his world, it will be me that is in the wrong for swearing at him.
And me, I feel gutted for some reason.
I mean he never promised he was clean or anything. I just hated that news. I feel sick for the future. And curiously betryed by him, although I cant really explain why.
I shouldn't post all this up here really. I dont want some people to know.I dont know why I am...
I meant to write about the party. How it was to be out there alone. Felt a bit vunerable really, aalthough it was great seeing all the Urban 75 people and my old mate Paul, far too hardcore for me right now.
So I feel a bit sad...
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Feeling inexplicaply weepy and emotional recently for NO REASON.
Which is annoying and frustrating. 'Cos things have been great for so long now. I recently went out for the evening with Maz, and saw loads of old friends, so I feel like I've re-established contact with a lot of people., but tis still hard to get out, and I had to miss Vitimin2K's art expo last week, mainly 'cos it was in Stoke Newington, and I had all the kids, and it was bonfire night. So I took them all to a firework display instead, and MrT showed he had nerves of steel and didn't bet an eyelid all night, just kind of staring at the sky with interest.
So I was sad to let down V2K, now shes gone and moved out of London, and I do miss her, its just our lives dont seem to intertwine anymore at the moment. Plus I missed seeing the portrait she painted of me, people looking at my portrait.
Still, its too late now. I met this interesting horn player at Hectives birthday party, who was a blogger. He said lots of people actually looked at his blog and even offered to lik to mine, which was cool, bbut when I tried to find it, Dougiesblog. It is no where to be found. I even rang Hective to check I had the correct url.
Shame, but I guess, this blog needs more work if it is ever to become interesting to anyone except me.
Which is annoying and frustrating. 'Cos things have been great for so long now. I recently went out for the evening with Maz, and saw loads of old friends, so I feel like I've re-established contact with a lot of people., but tis still hard to get out, and I had to miss Vitimin2K's art expo last week, mainly 'cos it was in Stoke Newington, and I had all the kids, and it was bonfire night. So I took them all to a firework display instead, and MrT showed he had nerves of steel and didn't bet an eyelid all night, just kind of staring at the sky with interest.
So I was sad to let down V2K, now shes gone and moved out of London, and I do miss her, its just our lives dont seem to intertwine anymore at the moment. Plus I missed seeing the portrait she painted of me, people looking at my portrait.
Still, its too late now. I met this interesting horn player at Hectives birthday party, who was a blogger. He said lots of people actually looked at his blog and even offered to lik to mine, which was cool, bbut when I tried to find it, Dougiesblog. It is no where to be found. I even rang Hective to check I had the correct url.
Shame, but I guess, this blog needs more work if it is ever to become interesting to anyone except me.
Monday, November 01, 2004
Cant seem to find any time to blog. Hardly suprizing with an active one year old. Wants and needs me to play, and Im happy to oblige. Then theres the bloody chores. I swear, cleaning my kitchen becomes more like painting the fourth bridge every day. It is constant, cleaning, preparing food, cooking, washing up with also washing going on, its a never ending treadmill. So when Mr.T sleeps, Im on Urban75 for some adult contact, instead of here, alone.
Went to the Spike Halloween party last night for a full twenty mins. before I was called home. Mr.T wasn't very well, so I rushed back, 'cos he has a streaming cold, but at least I got to thank my host for specially ringing me up to invite me,. Im grateful for things like this see, cos I hate feeling like everyone's forgotten me and I dont have any mates left. Whicch iof course isn't true.
I ddoo love my mates though.
Just had a very pleasant half term, with a near perfect family outing to Hampton Court Palace. The spectacular gardens were just wwonderful. I was energised. Kept running really fast across the perfect lawns amoungst tthe incredibbly powerful yew trees. Those ones in a triangle shape. And the kids would all chase after me, Vee overtaking, but the others unable. I'm still fast.
Mr.T just walked and walked, enjoying the smooth surfaces, both grass and crunchy pebbled pathways. I felt so happy there, and compleete.
Its a terific place to spend an afternoon.
Went to the Spike Halloween party last night for a full twenty mins. before I was called home. Mr.T wasn't very well, so I rushed back, 'cos he has a streaming cold, but at least I got to thank my host for specially ringing me up to invite me,. Im grateful for things like this see, cos I hate feeling like everyone's forgotten me and I dont have any mates left. Whicch iof course isn't true.
I ddoo love my mates though.
Just had a very pleasant half term, with a near perfect family outing to Hampton Court Palace. The spectacular gardens were just wwonderful. I was energised. Kept running really fast across the perfect lawns amoungst tthe incredibbly powerful yew trees. Those ones in a triangle shape. And the kids would all chase after me, Vee overtaking, but the others unable. I'm still fast.
Mr.T just walked and walked, enjoying the smooth surfaces, both grass and crunchy pebbled pathways. I felt so happy there, and compleete.
Its a terific place to spend an afternoon.
